dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
