I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
