I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
third nipple confirmed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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