I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize