one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
