Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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