atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
