how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
