i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
