sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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