Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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