Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
