Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
