If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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