Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
