She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
