Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize