3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
