I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
