I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
