i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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