Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
