someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Soap is not a condiment
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
