If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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