Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
