i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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