I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
