i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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