You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
