Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
