Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
