I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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