at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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