i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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