My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
