My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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