It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't turn off my feet"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize