It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
