i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
