that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
