Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
