i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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