"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
