I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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