Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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