hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
