normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
