Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i have herpe
just one?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
