Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
