I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
