i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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