margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
