my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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