whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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