I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
