U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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