Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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