Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize