Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
