if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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