my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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