Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
organizing the empties. That sober.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
