i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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