remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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