THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize