you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
