i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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