think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
