Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
